MS Windows is a pedal car

Story: Red Hat Linux DesktopTotal Replies: 4
Author Content

Apr 05, 2006
3:58 PM EDT
>"If Windows is a family sedan and basic Linux is an armored car, then Red Hat Linux Desktop is a mainline battle tank."

I just can't see MS Windows as reliable as a family sedan. I've had family sedans go well over 100,000 miles with no unexpected problems and just routine maintenance. This comparison is too kind and forgiving.

MS Windows is more like a cheap toy pedal car in quality; it's just far from cheap. The little plastic and stamped steel models usually last as long as the toddler's interest. A toddler's attention span is about the survival time of MS Windows before someone has to resuscitate it. The pedal car doesn't cost consumers a billion a month, though.

UNIX is the main line battle tank. OpenBSD and the hardened Linux distributions would be armored personnel carriers. Then we have most Linux distributions out-of-the-box being armored cars (there was a time not too many years ago when some distributions came with no doors on the armored car and the keys left in the ignition).

Far back in the midst of a very expensive platoon of rearward facing anti-virus, anti-spyware, anti-adware sleazy mercenaries, marching backwards so they can spring into action sometime after an attack occurs, there's the Microsoft pedal car with the Outhouse duct-taped to the back and the big "I'm Exploited!" banner flapping in the breeze from its broken-over radio antenna.

While the renter pedals furiously to try to have some kind of forward progress, throwing money in all directions to keep the mercenaries and the landlord happy, the usual swarm of people with the Mo-money Can Solve Everything tee shirts frantically tries to keep at least 3 wheels at a time attached and sweeps the path desperately to make certain no terrifying pebbles overturn the rickety craft. A mob of hucksters, bell-ringers, pushers and propagandists dances in frenzied, noisy circles of hokum and snake oil all around the entourage to divert the public's attention from the pathetic plight of the fragile hodgepodge of pieces, parts, glue and duct tape masquerading as a vehicle.

No, MS Windows has never been anywhere near the level of reliability of a family sedan. Family sedans are not prone to being overturned by javascript nor do they explode from the application of a bit of ASCII. I've never heard of a family sedan allowing any vandal with a communication device to remotely take control of it. You can bet the controls don't rearrange themselves at the whim of the manufacturer while the car is parked in the garage, too.

Why are so many businesses still duct-taping, gluing, pedalling and tossing money at this pitiful, dangerous, inadequate little demonstration of incompetency?

Apr 06, 2006
5:15 AM EDT
That was the best analogy/rant I have read in a while. Thank you. Also, in answer to your last question of why? It is in large part due to the fact that there are a lot of glue and duct tape experts usually working for or with a few(money)tossers at the helpless business, with a few "car waxers" that can only run around and keep the fake exterior of the pedal car shiny thrown in for good measure. This managerie of pedal car maintainers is usually deeply dug in (in a parasitic way) to their host company.

Apr 06, 2006
5:40 AM EDT
Thanks, Rascalson. I love your car waxers and parasites extension! That shiny fake exterior _is_ one of the big lures to bring victims into the trap and the parasites do indeed try to keep the host from figuring out that he can stop pedaling and change rides.

Apr 06, 2006
1:50 PM EDT
Customer: Good morning. I bought one of your Microsoft ® Carrzz ®, and I can't get the bugs off the windows.

Salesman: Thanks, and good morning to you too.

Are you using the Microsoft ® supplied Wiperrzz ® brand windshield wipers?

Customer: Yes, I have my $49.95 per year Wiperrzz ® subscription fee paid up.

Salesman: Are you using the Microsoft ® supplied Vistaclean ® brand windshield washer fluid?

Customer: Yes, I have my $29.95 per month Vistaclean ® subscription fee paid up, and get the level checked at my bi-weekly Microsoft auto-AUTO update, and re-booting visit to your dealership's service department.

Salesman: My screen shows you have the Microsoft ® Carrzz ® Professional ® trim level, you're eligible for 20 hrs of free help line calls per month, and since its the 6th, I see you still have 4.75 hours left for this month.

Let me put you through to a service rep.

Please Hold.

-bzz -click -click -zzzzz -ring -ring

Service Rep: Hello, good to be helping you, how are you tonight? Can I have your vin # please?

Customer: Yes, VIZTA-998-7785589-4569-GZ24-19006

Service Rep: How can I be helping you Mr. Reilly?

Customer: I bought one of your Microsoft ® Carrzz ®, and I can't get the bugs off the windows.

Service Rep: You are buying and making use of the Microsoft ® supplied Wiperrzz ® brand windshield wipers?

Customer: Yes, My car is 100% Microsoft ®.

Service Rep: You are using the Microsoft ® Vistaclean ® brand windshield washer fluid, No?

Customer: No? Yes of course I am.

Service Rep: Ah, yes I see now we have a Service bulletin on this subject.

Customer: What does it say? Is there a solution to my problem?

Service Rep: Oh sir, I am very glad to be informing you that the service bulletin is saying that you no longer have a problem!

Customer: That's great how soon can I get this fixed?

Service Rep: Fixed sir? I don't understand. I just informed you, that you do not have a problem.

Customer: Of course I have a problem, the wipers won't clean my windows and I can barely see when I am driving.

The Wiperrzz ® and the Vistaclean ® just seem to smear the bugs around, but never get rid of them.

The problem gets worse each time I drive my car, and soon I won't be able to use the vehicle.

I thought you said the service bulletin had a solution?

Service Rep: No sir, it is saying you no longer have a problem, not that there is a solution.

The service bulletin says that your situation has been re-classified. The management team at Microsoft ® has decided to consider this a feature of the Microsoft ® Carrzz ® line of vehicles.

Service Bulletin # 3277-t5488-g7hy-001 states:

"Bugs on Windows ® are a feature, not a problem."

Customer: Arrgh!

Service Rep: Yes it is a reason for much joy.

Service Bulletin # 3277-t5488-g7hy-001 advises that you drive the car as long as you can and then have the dealer re-instal the window.

Thank you so much for my helping you, please call again.

Apr 06, 2006
2:50 PM EDT
number6x: OMG that's hilarious but eery!

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