What Not to Say if Microsoft Shows Up at Your LUG (Part Zero)

Posted by PaulFerris on Feb 23, 2005 6:51 AM EDT
LXer; By Paul (FeriCyde) Ferris
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Diplomacy is an important aspect of communication -- but this article outlines the opposite end of the spectrum. Please take it for what it is; A juvenile thought experiment run completely amok. Other disclaimers: I cannot be held responsible for people dumb enough to utter these incantations in public. Keep hands and feet away -- don't use these on Microsoft employees that show up at your LUG.

But you gotta laugh.

Here it is, the top 10 things Not to say to a Microsoft presenter that shows up at your LUG.

  1. Can I have the source code for that? I need a good source of entropy for my next key generation.
  2. Is it true that you guys practice security by obscurity? Or is it just obscurity?...
  3. Don't worry if you've forgotten the password for your Windows box there, one of us can easily recover it with a live Linux CD or Meta-Sploit.
  4. I wanted to run Windows like you're doing there, but I couldn't find a way to keep it from booting in UnSAFE mode.
  5. Is that a powerpoint presentation? Wow, I've never seen one of those before ... On something useful.
  6. Don't worry, you're not hooked directly to the Internet without a firewall here. Or maybe you are... No, I'm pretty sure you're not... I wouldn't worry too much unless you're running -- oh, never mind.
  7. When can I get the code for that program you're showing from a trusted source? You know, someone besides that Russian guy?...
  8. Is this part of that Trustworthy computing thing? I understand that most of your stuff was released more recently under the UnTrustworthy computing initiative.
  9. Let me help you get rid of that insecure spyware you're running there. Here, boot this Fedora spyware removal tool, and select the defaults.
  10. No, the fee isn't so you can present to our group, some of us are simply trying to recoup the cost of the preloaded Windows on PCs that we'll never use.

Just so you don't scare potential Microsofties out of the place, here are some example topics not to be covering the same night:

  1. User-friendly vi commands.
  2. How to build your own Linux distribution, from scratch.
  3. Device drivers for dummies.
  4. 20 easy steps to playing proprietary video and audio files.
  5. vi -versus- emacs face-slapping competition.
  6. Why your favorite distribution sucks compared to Debian.
  7. ........................... compared to Gentoo.
  8. ............................. compared to Ubuntu.
  9. ............................... compared to Fedora.
  10. The joy of configuring sendmail.
That's enough trouble for now, so I'll stop there... :)

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Subject Topic Starter Replies Views Last Post
# 11 Do You Guys have a live - cd version out yet? number6x 6 2,140 Feb 24, 2005 2:33 PM
But Paulie...There's more... dinotrac 2 1,670 Feb 23, 2005 8:03 PM

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