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What Not to Say if Microsoft Shows Up at Your LUG (Part Zero)

Posted by PaulFerris on · 10 comments
LXer; By Paul (FeriCyde) Ferris 		Mail this story
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Diplomacy is an important aspect of communication -- but this article outlines the opposite end of the spectrum. Please take it for what it is; A juvenile thought experiment run completely amok. Other disclaimers: I cannot be held responsible for people dumb enough to utter these incantations in public. Keep hands and feet away -- don't use these on Microsoft employees that show up at your LUG.

But you gotta laugh.

Here it is, the top 10 things Not to say to a Microsoft presenter that shows up at your LUG.

  1. Can I have the source code for that? I need a good source of entropy for my next key generation.
  2. Is it true that you guys practice security by obscurity? Or is it just obscurity?...
  3. Don't worry if you've forgotten the password for your Windows box there, one of us can easily recover it with a live Linux CD or Meta-Sploit.
  4. I wanted to run Windows like you're doing there, but I couldn't find a way to keep it from booting in UnSAFE mode.
  5. Is that a powerpoint presentation? Wow, I've never seen one of those before ... On something useful.
  6. Don't worry, you're not hooked directly to the Internet without a firewall here. Or maybe you are... No, I'm pretty sure you're not... I wouldn't worry too much unless you're running -- oh, never mind.
  7. When can I get the code for that program you're showing from a trusted source? You know, someone besides that Russian guy?...
  8. Is this part of that Trustworthy computing thing? I understand that most of your stuff was released more recently under the UnTrustworthy computing initiative.
  9. Let me help you get rid of that insecure spyware you're running there. Here, boot this Fedora spyware removal tool, and select the defaults.
  10. No, the fee isn't so you can present to our group, some of us are simply trying to recoup the cost of the preloaded Windows on PCs that we'll never use.

Just so you don't scare potential Microsofties out of the place, here are some example topics not to be covering the same night:

  1. User-friendly vi commands.
  2. How to build your own Linux distribution, from scratch.
  3. Device drivers for dummies.
  4. 20 easy steps to playing proprietary video and audio files.
  5. vi -versus- emacs face-slapping competition.
  6. Why your favorite distribution sucks compared to Debian.
  7. ........................... compared to Gentoo.
  8. ............................. compared to Ubuntu.
  9. ............................... compared to Fedora.
  10. The joy of configuring sendmail.
That's enough trouble for now, so I'll stop there... :)

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Comments (10)

# 11 Do You Guys have a live - cd version out yet?

number6x ·
Or maybe that's one we should be asking...
peragrin ·
No you won't stop there we know you far to well for that.

besides you forgot to ask for the source code for their BSOD program. That's one I really miss on OSX and Linux, and I would love to port it.

devnet ·
Actually, they do have a LiveCD version out...unofficially of course ;)

http://www.pcquest.com/content/handson/2004/104040510.asp

mmelchert ·
peragrin, the BSOD screensaver which is still part of the xscreensaver project was quite a nice try. but nothing like the "real thing"(TM), I'll give you that... ;-)
PaulFerris Story submitter ·
I loved the BSOD screen saver! It was awesome. There was even a version that allowed for someone to "reboot" the screen saver, and watch a phoney DOS session start an endless checkdisk :)
mmelchert ·
paulcyde, do you have a pointer to that version handy?
cjcox ·
I thought that's what the MSN CD was. I guess I'll put it with my collection of AOL CDs.

But Paulie...There's more...

dinotrac ·
A. Which version should I be running my e-mail worms on? B. My Start Key and my Activation Key are fighting. C. I can't believe how much better your new web browser is! Is that why you changed the name to Firefox? D. You want HOW MUCH for a copy of office? E. Seriously, now, how much do you really want? F. Did you understand the question? G. And that's really the price? H. You're not taking any of your pay in stock options, right?
PaulFerris Story submitter ·
This list you've presented does not fit with my list, and is therefor completely irrelevant.

I mean, mine was numbered and you're using letters.

Capitals, no less.

I mean, what were you thinking!

*sheesh*
dinotrac ·
Sheesh is precisely what I was thinking.

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